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CRW 2 Writing an Introduction

March 16, 2015

This week’s activity involves writing an introductory paragraph. Re-read “Cinderella and Her Tedious Chores” on p. 6, “Urban and Rural Divide” on p. 12, and/or “Cancer Risks” on p. 15. Choose only one of essays and completely re-write the introductory paragraph. Please include the essay title in your comment.

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50 Comments leave one →
  1. Rubberduck permalink
    March 17, 2015 1:18 am

    Do you know how many Korea people are died because of cancer? According to ‘Ministry of Health and Welfare’ says it is over 180,000 that people are died by cancer per year. And this rate is getting higher and higher than previous years. This statistic is shocking. Thus it is now the time that people should take care of their health pretty much to protect from the cancer. However the good news is there are some ways to reduce the risk of cancer. And there are some people who are now doing this several ways to protect their body from the scary cancer which are actually worked. By eating better, exercising regularly and staying out of the sun, people can reduce their risks of cancer.

    • proftodd permalink*
      March 17, 2015 6:20 pm

      Your question, “Do you know how many Korea people have died because of cancer?” is good, but it might be better (more mature) to delete it and begin the introduction with your second sentence.

      Example:
      According to the Ministry of Health and Welfare, over 180,000 people die each year from cancer. While shocking, this rate continues to rise. Thus, it is time for people to think more about cancer prevention.

      • Rubberduck permalink
        March 20, 2015 8:41 am

        Then, what is the basis of my hook? I mean, there is a lot of hook. For example, ask a question, using a quote eta.

      • Rubberduck permalink
        March 20, 2015 8:47 am

        Oh, I’m sorry I found my book and it says ‘use a surprising or shocking statistic hook’. And I have a question. Can I use the two hook? Is there any problem that I use two hooks? For example using both statistic and interesting quote.

      • yong permalink
        March 20, 2015 7:49 pm

        Todd I was very impressive after listening to your word talking to one of your friends. ‘Why do you pay for cancer’.. it was shocked for me beause I’m also paying for my cancer..

  2. Jun permalink
    March 19, 2015 3:27 pm

    Cinderella and Her Tedious Household Chores

    The longer university students live apart from their parents, the more students rarely cook in their rooms. If you are an university, you may agree more. Although these students get a better skill of cooking, they usually enjoy eating out. This sounds paradoxical but the reason why they are doing so is because of household chores. Many students do not want to make other chores in home anymore. Coming back from school or job, if you see several clothes lying on the floor, piled up dishes and scum on the wall in the bathroom, you may feel dizzy. Except these works, there are a variety of household tasks which make you exhausted. Among them, the top three of these unpopular tasks often includes ironing clothes, washing dishes, and cleaning the bathroom.

  3. Grace permalink
    March 19, 2015 7:22 pm

    ‘Cancer Risk’

    As the proverb says, when one is ill, he knows grief indeed. It means that after the health is gone, man begins to look after their body. Specially, most of people do not consider the risk of cancer in their daily life. Even though you do not smoke at all and stop drinking, you can not avoid it. Fortunately, we can prevent our body from many kinds of cancer by changing our everyday life. There are three behaviors which can reduce the risk of cancer.

    • Solomon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:13 am

      The fourth sentence is a little bit weird. It sounds like the entire troubles of stopping drinking and smoking don’t matter. How about chaging the sentence?

    • Jiwon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:19 pm

      I think that modifying the fourth sentence is needed. This sentence is the one which ruins your main opinion. By modifying this one, you can make more arranged paragraph.

  4. Owl permalink
    March 19, 2015 8:54 pm

    Cinderella and Her Tedious Household Chores

    Do you remember the story of Cinderella? Imagine that beautiful girl who works so hard in the kitchen or living room. Also, can you imagine her expression? In the animation video, when she works, she smiles and sang a song with animals such as birds or rats. But she would not like that works called household chores. Likewise, in today’s increasingly busy society, most people admit that they have definite dislikes for certain household chores. In fact, there are three unpopular tasks ironing clothes, washing dishes, and cleaning the bathroom.

    • Jiwon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:06 pm

      By quoting the Cinderella story more in detail, the paragraph becomes more vivid. Your paragraph is very neat, so I like!

  5. Leo0701 permalink
    March 19, 2015 10:01 pm

    Cancer Risk

    Adell Davis, Famous American nutritionist , said “As I see it, everyday you do one of two thinkgs: build health or produce disease in yourself.” Do you think that is not your case? Probably, you are no exception.The causes of cancer is not just smoking and drinking. Most people do not know the fact that their usual action could lead to cancer. However, in contrast, you can reduce the risk of cancer by modifying your lifestyle: eating better, exercising regularly, and staying out of the sun.

    • Jiwon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:11 pm

      The sentence, “Probably, you are no exception”, can really promote many people’s awareness. Also, the fact the a cancer is everywhere is well conveyed.

    • Owl permalink
      March 21, 2015 6:28 pm

      quoting is impressive, it feels like a dangerous thing to me. As reading the first sentence, I decided to read it entirely.

  6. Irin permalink
    March 19, 2015 10:37 pm

    Cancer Risks

    How old do you want to live healthily? Maybe we all want to live healthily for a long time. However, if you often enjoy eating fatty foods, sitting down with snacks and lying in the sun without sunscreen, you had better give up your dream because that dream will never come true. People should know that their daily bad behaviors are closely related to the development of cancer. The more people have bad habits, the more they face danger of cancer. But don’t be sad too much. There are easy solutions that can save people’s life.

    • yong permalink
      March 20, 2015 7:44 pm

      it will be better to write on what is easy solutions that can save people’s life.

    • CRWtwo permalink
      March 20, 2015 8:45 pm

      I think to add one more sentence that simply mentions the 3 solutions at the end will help readers to follow more easily.

  7. CRWtwo permalink
    March 20, 2015 9:20 am

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    According to the research, the rate of returning to farming has been increasing steadily since 2001. Especially in 2014, the record has jumped about thirty-four percent more than the previous year which had the highest record before. A growing tendency to move to rural place may show us that people who become to recognize which place fits themselves better between the urban and rural are increasing. It is obvious that the lifestyle between these two places is quite different. Perhaps some of the most notable difference in the lives of these two groups include the degree of friendliness between resdietns, the pace of life, and the variety of available activities.

    • songhyein permalink
      March 21, 2015 11:51 am

      I think your writing is great for using objective numeral value. It give readers trust on your writing. Also, your writing goes very smoothly to the goal by connecting the numeral values to cuurent changes in society. If you connenct the flow of the text is a little bit more smoothly to reach the topic about differences between the urban and rural life, it will be more perfect 😀

  8. mongmong2 permalink
    March 20, 2015 3:21 pm

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    Where do you live in now? In the city or countryside? There have been researched that 80% of population in Korea live in the urban area, and only 20% of the population live in rural region. The reason many people live in downtown is that city life is likely to make us enjoy diverse social activities and civilized life. But, whenever you take a public transportation to way to work, you stuck in jam and feel uncomfortable. There are a lot of merits to live in city, however, people in downtown are fed up with busy life and want to move out rural areas at the same time. It means that there are great differences between the urban and rural region. As many of us already knew, life style is definitely different. A few of striking differences in the lives demonstrate the degree of friendliness between dwellers, the pace of life, and the variety of available activities.

    • CRWtwo permalink
      March 20, 2015 8:29 pm

      The third sentence which is the research result was enough to catch my attention, so I think it would be okay to delete the 2 questions in the first line..

  9. March 20, 2015 3:23 pm

    Cinderella and Her Tedious Household Chores

    Long time ago, one poor lady should maintain a house every single day. As you know, her name is Cinderella and her tedious life saved by prince. However, as you know, the real is not like the fairy tale and today’s many Cinderellas must confront the many household chores in whole life. Anyone who should maintain a house feels like a boring and even disgusting sometime. So, let’s see the most top three of these hateful household chores and why these household chores are ranked in the top three.

    • yong permalink
      March 20, 2015 7:40 pm

      hmm.. right I agree.. so I do not clean my room at all.. because I don’t want to be Cinderella..

  10. Sion permalink
    March 20, 2015 3:28 pm

    Cancer Risks

    Do you like fast-food? Do you shun exercise? Do you like playing outdoors without a sunscreen? If there is any “yes” to these questions, you have a strong likelihood of having cancer. But even so, you don’t need to worry too much. Conversely, if you eat healthy food, take regular exercise, and stay out of the sun, you can decrease your risk of cancer.

  11. March 20, 2015 4:42 pm

    Cancer risks
    Life is short.Do not allow cancer to make it more shorter.In recent years ,the incidence of cancer rising at 3~5 percent.Now ,cancer has become the leading cause of human death ,according to research ,people who live in urban has more higher risk to get get cancer than country dweller.So, why cancer appeared more frequently?there are three reasons that caused cancer incidence risen so higher.

    • vannesa permalink
      March 20, 2015 8:26 pm

      I suggest you to delete the sentence “do not allow~make it more shorter”. It looks awkward to read. And it bans the smooth introduction.

    • Solomon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:02 am

      Is it important to differenciate urban and rural people for this essay? I think “people who live in ~ than country dweller” is not related to the subject.

  12. Daisy permalink
    March 20, 2015 5:38 pm

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    People need to choose places to live. If you had the choice, where would you choose to live, in the countryside or the city? It seems to be an easy question, but it is not. Since, there are many differences between urban life and rural life, people have to choose carefully. However, if the choice is based on three major differences such as the degree of friendliness between residents, the pace of life, and the variety of available activities, it will be helpful to make a choice.

    • Irin permalink
      March 21, 2015 8:41 pm

      Your introduction draws my attention by asking a question in second sentence. As you said, it looks like an easy question, but it is not. So this question makes me think seriously.

  13. min permalink
    March 20, 2015 5:48 pm

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    ‘The new world.’ This word may be the most proper thing to represent the mind of the people who just moved to city from countryside. In urban life, the wide streets are full of people and cars which are busy to go somewhere, and massive buildings cover the sight of sky. It may be natural for rural people, who lived in full of green, silent and pastoral villages, to feel differences from city’s life. The lives of city and countryside are quite different, even both of areas are placed in the same country. The following sentences will introduce these differences in terms of the degree of friendliness between residents, the pace of life, and the variety of available activities.

    • Jiwon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:16 pm

      I think your paragraph is well arranged. It is easy to read and understand.

  14. april pig permalink
    March 20, 2015 6:11 pm

    Cinderella and her Tedious Household Chores

    I am assure that the biggest factor that causes the conflict between the familly will be ‘this’. no matter how good relationship brothers, because of this, battling each other, no matter how kind daughter, because of this, she resist to her parents. and finally, strange sight is takes place, which is grandparents, parents, child all gathered in the living room and shoot ‘Rock Scissors Paper!’
    You know what is this? it is just right, housework. among housework, the top 3 of unpopular job which perhaps that made the most several time ‘Rock Scissors Paper’ are ironing, cleaning the bathroom, and washing dishs

    • yong permalink
      March 20, 2015 7:38 pm

      it would be better setting up the order ‘who is going to do house chores’ than Rock, Scissors, Paper.

  15. yong permalink
    March 20, 2015 7:32 pm

    Cinderella and her Tedious Household Chores

    Have you ever watched a movie, ‘Bicentennial Man’ released in 1999. In this movie, a rich family in the distant future purchases a robot which can do house chores perfectly like cooking, cleaning, washing and so on. Thanks to this Robot, family members get to have much more leisure time and spend quality time with their family. This story sounds like a fantastic story on the surface in today’s hectic society. These days, a large variety of people are suffering from boring house chores. This is because not only most house works take lots of time but it is usually hard and dirty. Among these house works, ironing clothes, washing dishes and cleaning the bathroom is the most refusing house works that people want to avoid

    • Owl permalink
      March 21, 2015 6:30 pm

      I know that movie, it is famous. I didn’t think about the robot story related on this essay introduction. It is creative.

  16. soyoung permalink
    March 20, 2015 8:14 pm

    Cancer Risks
    In the past, people think cancer incureable disease. They were scary about having cancer and consider the disease with a kind of a curse that people never survive from.
    On the other hand, these days, people who suffer from cancers have a hope that they can break the curse. Actually, this is ture that cancers turn to not only being cured but also being prevented depend on people’s effort.
    However, now a days, people ironically get more cancers than the past because of their bad habits. To change this circumstance, people can do three things: eating health, exercising regularly, and preventing sunlight.

    • soyoung permalink
      March 20, 2015 8:24 pm

      I found some grammatical mistakes in my writing.
      I should have used past tence!
      ‘people thought’
      ‘they considered’

    • rubberduck permalink
      March 20, 2015 8:29 pm

      I recommend you to switch the negative and positive in introduction. Because it can make readers more confident

  17. Yoon permalink
    March 20, 2015 9:37 pm

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    Sara lived in a rural town. There was very quiet and the air is fresher. However, she had to move to a city to attend better schools. On the one hand, she was sorry to move house but on the other, she was excited. As soon as she arrived the city, she was surprised. The city was so different from the rural town and was crowded, making it hard for her to go. Also, most of urban people concerned themselves between the uban and rural. In this essay, there are three differences of these two groups that are similar to what she felt including the degree of friendliness between residents, the pace of life, and the variety of available activities.

  18. Cindy permalink
    March 20, 2015 11:38 pm

    Urban and Rural Divide

    In a story of Town Mouse and Country Mouse, two mice exchanged their circumstances. While Town mouse lived in country, he was misadjusted country, and vise versa. At first, they envied their circumstances each other, but at the end, they backed to their original life environment. What made them go back to their original home? Probably, their circumstances was too different to adjust well. Like as this fairy tale, there is a huge gap between urban and rural life.

  19. Yoon permalink
    March 20, 2015 11:42 pm

    It is interesting to use the story of ‘Town Mouse and Country Mouse’!
    However, it is better to write the thesis statement.

  20. Solomon permalink
    March 20, 2015 11:57 pm

    It’s a sunday morning. All family members are sleeping except mother. She sighs deeply looking long list of today’s to-do things. There are dirty dishes from yesterday’s dinner, tons of laundries, and trash cans waiting to be empty. Probably almost all of mothers have this kind of experience, overwhelmed by lots of housework. Surely, many people are reluctant to do houseworks because keeping a house takes a great deal of time troubes. However, the top three of these unpopular housework often includes ironing clothes, washing dishes and cleaning the bathroom.

  21. orzhov permalink
    March 21, 2015 1:53 am

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    How do you feel if your residence changes differently? My home town was Kimhea which is one of the countrysides in korea. I was out of town and went to city to enter the university as a freshman 1 years ago. Everything I saw in there was unfamiliar. I was a man who have experienced living in both the city and the country. So I can see the unique characteristics of each bit by bit. I think that the most intrinsic differences between the countryside and city are the degree of friendliness between residents, the pace of life and variety of available activities.

    • Jiwon permalink
      March 21, 2015 12:13 pm

      Your paragraph is about your experience, so it comes more realistic!

  22. songhyein permalink
    March 21, 2015 11:40 am

    Cancer risks

    As the death rate of a lung cancer is the highest among other cancers, it is not easy to cure. The biggest reason for this fatal disease is known as a heavy smoking. However, 90% percent of women who get the lung cancer are non-smokers. Rather than a cigarette smoke, a Radon which is one of the carcinogenic substances is a cause of women’s lung cancer. Researchers found that Radon comes from everywhere from a poison gas when people cook to a toxic air inside the building. Like this, people can get a cancer by various factors, so people are suggested to pay attention to every area from their smoking status to their eating.

  23. Jiwon permalink
    March 21, 2015 11:53 am

    All people are different : lifestyles, values, favorites and so on. Thus, when they force to fit themselves under unsuitable atmosphere, people will lose themselves. This is the same in the case of where people live. If a woman who lives in the city feels stressful to live in the busy and complicated place, she would be unhappy with her life and want to leave there. Also, if a man who lives in the country feels bored with being there, he can’t be pleased with his life and leave for another place like the city. Then, for those who want to choose another thing from their original life, there should be a proper guide. When they exactly know the various differences between the urban and rural life, it can lead smart choice.

    • Jiwon permalink
      March 21, 2015 11:53 am

      The Urban and Rural Divide

  24. stanley permalink
    March 21, 2015 2:56 pm

    The Urban and Rural Divide

    Almost everyone knows this famous quote that “the empire is on which sun never sets.” It is idea that modify the United Kingdom when they colonialize all of the ‘New world’. But, in these days it is also interpreted the different shades of meaning. It also indicates the urban world or feature of its environment, which is the illuminated city at night. According to graph of estimation of urbanization levels, it represents that all but a few in Asia and Africa countries reach its percentage at average 83.2%. That is to say, mostly people reside in the urban area rather than reside in the rural area. However, city dwellers all over the world tend to have similar lifestyles, so the biggest differences are found between the megacity like Seoul and its smaller neighborhood. Urban people and rural people, regardless of their country, live quite differently. So, in this passage we are going to deal with some of the most notable differences in the lives of these two groups include the several of the factors.

    • Daisy permalink
      March 21, 2015 7:12 pm

      It’s very interesting to use that quote! And I think that your pharagraph is coherent.

      • stanley permalink
        March 23, 2015 12:51 am

        Thank you!!

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