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CRW1 Student’s paragraph revision

April 20, 2016

I chose a couple of paragraphs for revision from two different students. I hope they help you with your preparations for the midterm. If you have any questions, please email me.

 

Original 1:

One solution is to offer a new river crossing bridge because there is only one bridge, there is too much congestion. If more bridges are built, cars and buses will be able to move more freely and junction’s problem will be able to resolve and go on smoothly. However, there is an issue that is expensive to build bridge.

Revision 2:

One solution is to build a new river crossing bridge. Because there is only one bridge, there is too much congestion. If a new bridge were built, cars and buses would be able to move more freely and the problem of congestion at the junction would be reduced. One issue, however, is that a bridge is expensive to build, although having a toll at the new bridge could help recover the cost of construction.

 

Original 2:

Second, I would say that building schools next to the houses would solve this problem. Unless we build schools closer to the house areas, we won’t solve the commuting time traffic problems. But it is a long-term and expensive solution. Even so, relocating school next to their houses should prevent traffic jams and allow officers to work more freely.

 

Revision 2:

Another solution is to build the schools next to the residential areas. This would reduce the traffic congestion and improve commuting time because there would be fewer cars and buses on the two-lane main road in morning rush hour. However, it is a long-term and expensive solution. Even so, relocating schools next to the citizens’ houses should reduce traffic jams and allow office workers and business people to travel more freely.

 

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